| | where fact is fiction
|_| and #politics reality

ISSUE ONE, Monday 9th January 2006

So this is it. The sad loss of h8zine was mourned by many, and celebrated
by the fake scene. THere has been nothing satrical since it, so I have decided
to fill those large, AIDS infested shoes and share words of wisdom and truth
with everyone. So as you sit down eating your double layered pizza, belly
hanging out your pants, installing the latest Linux distro, reverting articles
on internet pissing ground Wikipedia, smile was you recall how your pathetic
being earned you +o in #politics and smile even harded when you realise how
priveleged you are to be part of the scene (LOL).

In this week's issue, I interview the man they say is fatter than retarded
Slashdot editor cowboyneal (http://cmdrtaco.net/photos/MainSt/MainSt-Images/1.jpg)

Read on for a whole bunch of LOLz! Special mention, Welcome Back Sheepnet...

Quote Machine

[09:59:17] <filthyipodstealingscatlover> omg sheepnet's back?

[10:04:55] <welshsheepfucker> nevar
[10:05:02] <welshsheepfucker> WE ARE BACK TO RUIN FAKE SCENE

[10:06:21] <welshsheepfucker> fusion came through this time
[10:06:26] <welshsheepfucker> after months of abuse from T****Q
[10:06:30] <welshsheepfucker> asking him daily:
[10:06:36] <welshsheepfucker> "when is sheepnet back?"
[10:07:02] <welshsheepfucker> he finally cracked like ** cracked with the "Are
you the re-incarnation of Sheik Yassim?" question

[19:41:19] <blizz0ch> TGX = site?

(@copypaste) !addquote MPX info:
<tranceRHx> our guy in MixFM: Konstantinos
<tranceRHx> http://www.mixfmradio.com/index.php?groupid=3
<tranceRHx> hes playing every day between 18.00 - 20.00

<********> hungary the country where ur dreams never come true and after studying for
10 years, all u can be is siteop of a loosy site

<YuVaLoS> 2002-06-26-Microsoft.Windows.XP.Multilingual.User.Interface.Hebrew.Retail-LUCiD
<YuVaLoS> i need

(*******) if you see sheepnet nuke something, it doesnt mean shit, its just like it never happened
(*******) sheepnet nukes are irrelivent

<l~Maka> dude , ur ident is blackman
<l~Maka> blackman is a big gti hater

<Maka> iso sites take GTi on lol thats how much luv we get

<Maka> right cu faggots, o and PRINT THIS in ur next pdf "GTi WE STILL HERE U BITCHESS, and
that all u lil faggots combined too form SHIT"

{[20:45:54]} <Maka> hold up
{[20:45:55]} <Maka> GTi
{[20:45:57]} <Maka> motherfuckas
{[20:46:01]} <Maka> remember the name

Picture of the week

http://cmdrtaco.net/photos/MainSt/MainSt-Images/4.jpg
-That Welsh Sheep Fornicator tending to yet another one of his side groups, whilst
pondering how many pizzas to order to fuel his obese desire.

Why Wikipedia is Generally a Huge Pile of Shit

Currently Wikipedia contains 2,363,950 articles, 10,032 of
which are genuine, and 343 of them factually accurate. This leaves Wikipedia on an
academic par with "Star Wars: Incredible Cross-sections: The Ultimate Guide to Star
Wars Vehicles and Spacecraft" and "My First Book of Animals from A to Z".

Wikipedia is edited by two guys called rickyd and tony. They recently started a
fund raising drive, which was actually a war fund for weapons for their terrorist
cell. That $10 you donated just bought them some bullets to use against capitalism
and freedom.

Episode 1: Meeting The Urban Legend

I was informed I was to meet him in McDonalds. So there I went wondering if the
urban legends were really true. Was this man as obese as Cowboyneal and Big Rob
of Slashdot put together? I parked in the car park and got out of my car. I could
smell burning fat and a strong musk a distance away, It could only mean one thing,
that fusion was there waiting for me. As I walked into McDonalds, the stench of
feces and burning meat overwhelmed. In the corner sat a man who resembled a whale
with legs, surrounded by Big Macs and Quarter Pounders. His fat hands unable to
unwrap the burgers, he was assisted by an employee who himself looked like an ant
in comparison to this beast. I stood in both awe and shock as I watched this half
man half beast shovel burgers down his woefully obese throat. He looked up at me,
as his fat cheeks rippled and never stopped; he called my name in a stereotypical
Chinese accent, then suddenly snapping at the employee to bring him 100 more Big
Macs.

As I approached his table, one of the members of my entourage warned me to use a
bodysuit. Luckily this McDonalds was equipped with many of them in preparation for
its best customer. I spoke to the manager and he let me know just how much this
mammoth consumes in one helping; about 9 days worth of meat for every other customer
is consumed in one serving just for fusion. I asked him about the large puddle
underneath his chair, and the manager warned me not to go near or touch it,
mentioning in a trembling voice that it was his sweat, and carried more bacteria
than a city landfill site. I put on my bodysuit and oxygen tank, and walked
towards him, shitting my pants.

As I sat down, he mumbled something incoherent, it sounded like "Do not touch my
burgers, or I eat you." I kept my distance, scared he might try and consume myself
as some sort of dessert. As I looked into his eye, I saw what resembled a large pig,
face unwashed for god knows how long and a neck which contained more fat than my
entire body fat content. I trembled, and this is how it went.

Me: So tell us, what do you give to the scene then that's actually useful?
Fusion: not much really :[ i just talk in sitechans and try to act important (Editor:
please note that this was all translated from Engrish to English)

Me: Oh ok, what about your project with the name of livestock that rickyd loves
to fornicate with?
Fusion: rickyd had an incident with the sheep and ended up damaging his penis, he
has been in rehabilitation since 2004.

I noticed his inability to actually answer the question, citing his desire to consume
what must be the equivalent of 200 cow carcasses on his table; fearing for my life as
I heard the manager mention that all the beef ran out. I must finish this interview
before all Big Macs run out before I too become part of this obese man's stomach. I
wondered how large this mammoth's feces must look like, then I realised it all goes
towards his gigantic gut.

Me: so what does it feel like coding for a project which is nowhere near as good as
the other 2, and is down more than a linux run ftp?
Fusion: feels ok, failing comes natural to me and i dont relaly have to work at it hard

Me: So why do you never fix it and wait 10 years to do 1 line of code?
Fusion: keeps the other project memberz begging and then i ask for $$$$ I SELL BOOTLEGZ

Me: do you ever leave your house, because everytime i see a channel i see your name
trading, please tell us if you have a life or not outside your filthy world of linux, shells
and wikipedia
Fusion: I just sit on a sofa, one seat for me and one for my stomach, i call him robert

Me: are you fatter than cowboyneal?
Fusion: Yes, i use windshield wipers to get the sweat off my belly, it takes practice
to get it right

At this point, I noticed the dwindling supply of Big Macs, and the amount of sweat
dripping from his foreheard. I mentioned something about a bath and he mumbled non
sensical words to the tune of "you are my nurse when i need sponge bathz." I
couldn't move as I was frozen due to this mammoth presence. Never the less, I
proceeded.

Me: Are you fatter than big rob?
Fusion: My ass is equivalent in weight to 3.281 bowling balls and i see my penix on
good dayz. I call it good penix days

Me: But the average chink (lol communism) has a penis about 2 inches long
Fusion: extenz helps (Yes I am like WTF too)

Me: Ok ok we get the message, I'm gonna find out about you in a different way now,
in the next series pick one of the items, in order to generate a profile of you.

At this point, he snapped at me, attempting to consume my arm whole, however the McDonalds
security guard managed to stop him from doing so, and brought him a cannister full of
French Fries. I watched as he dipped his head in the cannister, which must have been
around 4 foot high, and managing to consume the equivalent of a small field of potatoes
in one gulp. I asked him the question again.

Me: Windows, Mac or Linux.
Fusion: Windows

Me: Wikipedia or Britannica
Fusion: dictionary.com

Obviously at this point, the sheer amount of fat he had consumed had clogged up all
arteries to his brain, placing him on a educational par with "Big Bird" and "The
Cookie Monster." He then shouted out "Wikipedia for Life" as he stood up, and in
the process a large splash of sweat landed on my bodysuit. I was scared. The sweat
had pieces of feces and fat in it. I vomited in my bodysuit and vowed to continue.

Me: AMD Athlon 64 or P4
Fusion: P4

Me: what music do u listen to
Fusion: britney spears, ashlee simpson, diana ross

I then began to explain that Windows was a noble choice, however his choice of Intel
and Wikipedia meant only one thing; Fusion was a fucking dirty bastard. I told him this,
trembling as I knew his rancid jaws would try to engulf me. I asked him what he thought.

At this point, he had finished all food in front of him. He lunged at me, attempting
to consume my helpless body. I ran to the door, and turned around, and watched as he
failed to take a single step. As he was lifted in a forklift, I watched in awe as this
whale/man was causing a forklift with a 10 tonne limit to struggle. He was bundled in
the back of a lorry, and as he passed me, the stench of fat and feces was too much.

Well I made it, I managed to make it back in one piece and not be consumed by this
walking black hole. I can now confirm that the myth that fusion is fat is false. He is
hideously obese and grotesque.

Story of the Week

So I was just taking a shit, right, when I realize I'm massively constipated from the three
Taco Bell burritos I had last night. There was no way that massive log was going to ease its
way out of my o-ring without shredding it to bits. It felt like the shit was coming out sideways.
I was petrified, scared to move as the shit eased its way half out of my stressed sphincter.
Then, the unimaginable happened: it got stuck.

I slowly moved off the toilet to the cabinent to get a tube of KY-Jelly out of it; a rather
strange sight with a giant brown pickle hanging out of my ass. I quicly applied some lube to
my fingers and circled the hard turd with a blob of it, hoping that the lubrication may loosen
the strain. Slowly, the turd began to give way, and I used my already lubed hand to slightly
tug the shit out of my ass. My fingers slowly dug into the concrete-like turd, and with a loud
pop and a sharp pain, the 'thing' was finally defecated. I plopped it into the toilet and
unfortunately realized there was more on the way. I stuck my lubed finger up my anus to probe,
and I felt yet another hard peice of shit. Not thinking about the pain, I stuck another two
fingers up my sphincter and grabbed hold of the feces. I pulled it out much like the last one.
Yet another turd formed in line in my anus, and I inserted my entire fist into my anus and
pulled out the stringy piece of half-digested Taco Bell "food." The gray cheese looked perversely
delicious among the rest of the brown mud. I slowly plucked a piece of the cheese off the turd
and guided it into my mouth; the taste was amazing. I licked the shit off all my digits rapidly,
and began plunging my hand into my anus for more.

-submitted by primod

Well BY!

So that is issue one. If you have any issues, then SITE msg fusion and let him know how fucking
fat and obese he is. Until next time, enjoy reverting and editing posts on Wikipedia, you
filthy bunch of fucking communist cunts.