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19 of 62 files the game review

1996 April 21

  • Text / Magazine
  • Ionizer, writer credits
[+] Configuration Copy text
THE GAME REVIEW =============== ~VOTED #1 WAREZ MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~ .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #19 $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$ $ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 04/21/96 $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ `$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd' "All the games that are fit to print." Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer ____________ News Updates ============ Welp, you've probably been wondering "WTF is TGR?!?!" <because your a dumb- ass and too stupid to go to the web page or e-mail the autoresponder> so that is understandable. I'm back from vacation and you're all in for a special jam packed issue with over 50 games reviewed. TGR will of course continue to be released every Sunday now that those holidays have passed. ============================================ HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS: -------------------------------------------- (WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review? The Game Review (c) Ionizer, will) (be released every SUNDAY, and can be obtained by /m ionizer xdcc send #1) OR #1 My home page (please don't laugh, it works, that's enough) http://ns2.clever.net/~ionizer (Note: Contains all issues and is always up to date.) OR #2 E-Mail AUTO Responder (Thanks to Malk and Mael) Just write mail to [email protected] <that's all, DOESN'T need to include any special message or anything, you'll get a response back within a few seconds>. (Note: Only for the NEWEST TGR out.) NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND! =========================================== - * - * - * - * - * * - * - * - * - * - GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES! [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] -Rating scale: (0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked! (20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better. (40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading. (50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out. (70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type. (80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download. (90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download. 100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME! RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity, versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first follow nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Descent II (c) Interplay [XX/19] The long awaited release of Descent 2 (yes all three people waiting for it) was finnaly released. It's not much different, at first, from the first one for appearance. It's still that same nauseating 360 degree doom type. There are so many keys it's not even funny. There are also a million fixes out for it, one for the setup, one for the game, one for the 3rd level, and I lost track after a while. The main thing is, it was not packaged well, because most of us don't have a clue wtf a "digidevice" is and therefore could not setup the descent.cfg to properly get the music to work. You'll also need a pentium to play this with decent graphics. It's just not the way it used to be anymore :( . RATING: 60/100 STARBALL (c) GAMETEK [01/01] _____ ____________ ______ . /| \ V / . \ _ \(__\ \ . _/\ _/ : |\_ _/ /\// /| |\/: \_/\ .\// |Z/ \| | \ \ \| | | \. \/ \__|__|!\_/|_____/__\__\__|_____/ Well, like Hybrid says, this pinball game pretty much blows. It looks very outdated and it's only one table. It just sucks, it's those single table pinball games where you try to move the ball up higher and higher w/ several pairs of flippers. Graphics are ugly and sound is pretty bad too. RATING: 27/100 Silent Thunder (c) Sierra [36/36] A-10:/\. Silent Thunder [xx/25] ________________________ _____ ________ _. ____ / >______. . _____.____ __ \_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\.: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y G/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/:: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ / \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___ ____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_`< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____> =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/\/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: No, you're not seeing double. Another release that was released by two groups (RZR & NPM - for those who can't make out two diz's smashed together) It's so nice to be told something is for DOS (ahemrazorahem) when it's really only for Win95. So since it is, here's what the two groups had to say. RAZOR.NFO: Game Format : Flight Simulator System Type : DOS Packed By : The Speed Racer Install Method : See below Game Notes ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 24 action-packed missions take you through Central America, the Middle East and Korea in one of the most devastating ground attack planes ever created. Huge explosions and new texture-mapped terrain reduce other flight sims to twisted wreckage. NAPALM.NFO: Release Notes: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The most indestructible closeattack plane ever built, the Thunderbolt II. In this sequel to the highly successful A-10 Tank Killer, you'll dive into 3 fast-paced campaigns with 24 action-packed missions. This is a must for all you flight sim fans! This is for Win95 ONLY! RATING: NA/100 NEW ORDER (c) ELECTRONIC ARTS [13/13] _____________________________________________ \__¼ - ________¼ ./__¼ - ________¼ __/ \\__/ - \\ / \\__/ \__ | \\__ \\__ | \\__ /_____| ./_____________./___| ./ (=======|______/===================|______/=) R E L E A S E O N R A M P A G E (=[03/10/96]================================) Sigh, well I copied all 13 disks to disk so I could recopy it to a computer with Win95, but for some unknown reason, when I ran the game, it just kept loading different levels, eventually reaching level 81 and some others, so I got someone else to review it and here's what Scrooge had to say about it. "I really liked the RoR installer incidentally. The Game installed fine.. no problems. It reminded me of the Old Xenon game except you could go in any direction, not just the way the screen scrolled. Same kind of Air to Ground or Air to Air fighting tho'. It was rather slow on my machine (486dx2/80 with 16megs of RAM), so I suppose a Pentium is needed. Sometimes in the game you could fly under trees for some period of time. The graphics aren't that great so I ended up running into something I couldn't see. I suppose if you really wanna destroy something, you could install this game. RATING: 50/100" 2 _____ __ ______ _____ __ _____ 2 y / \/ | |__| | / _ \y e / _ _ | _ |__| | | | \_ _/e a/ | | | || | \ / - \a r\__|_|__/\____/ |__|___|\___\_____/r s2years2years2years2years2years2years ------------------------------------- Ardennes - Battle of the bulge[10/10] ------------------------------------- I believe this was released before, (at least something with Battle of Arden- es was released before) whether or not it was Battle of the Bulge, I don't know. Anyhow, it's another war strategy game for windows. The game is just a bunch of icons on a map, with many factors affecting the war such as the land, the weather, and everything else that effects troop moral (last time they got laid, if their gum has run out of flavor, etc...j/k). I can't pict- ure this as being too entertaining, as the pictures alone are dull and boring looking. Unless your desperate for a wargame, go for it. RATING: 46/100 Pinball 3D VCR (c) 21st Century Ent. [2/2] ___ ______ / /_______________________ /___ // / \___ \____ \______ \ \_/ _ \__ / _ __// _ __/ \/ / /\ / / / / / / \ / / \/ / / / / /__/ /____/_____//__/ /__/_____/ / \_/__/\____\\____\\_/__/\__\_____\/ -----\__\/-------------\__\/(-hoson-)----- Another pinball game from Hybird. I put this in the directory the game wants it in, but it still refused to run, which isn't surprising since HBD states `they' couldn't get it work eiter <relating to graphic cards>. So another one bites the dust. RATING: NA/100 Flight (c) Sierra [09/09] Flight CD-ROM [4/4] subLogic/Sierra _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ /\. \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\. ____ / >______. . _____.____ _ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/.: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/`< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____> This is a repackage of this lame flight sim \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: game with some extra crap you won't care about anyway. And isn't this wonder- ful, we get double crap b/c two groups released the same shit again! TGR isn't about to go deciding who duped who on this one, but it's evident this duping is lame, and even lamer when it's for shitty games such as this. Oh, back to the game, the graphics are so fucking plain and ugly it's not funny. The sound is so disgusting it hurts your ears. And it's like impossible to get your plain off the ground without reading the boring docs in the game. RATING: 23/100 Kingdon at War, disks: [xx/05] [========================================] ______)\______)\_____)\______)\______)\ \ ____)_____ )____ \_____ )_____ \ _\____ \ ;_/ \ ;__\ \ ;_/ \ \__; \ \_____ )____.__)____. )___.__)___\_. \ \____/ 03/11/96 \____/-/=SodOM=\-\____/ [========================================] A terrible wannabe war game. The usual midevil setting with shitty graphics, lame music, and stupid options. How do these dumb companies make any money on such garbage, who actually buys this crap and keeps it? Anyway, don't bother it's just crap. RATING: 25/100 /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Thunderstrike: Air Assault (c) [X/8] Even if this does have a different name then the below, Firestorm Thunder- hawk 2, it's still the same exact game. So unless it's just different miss- ons or something, it's still pretty much the same. However now you can have a clue as to the controls, thanks to the napalm.nfo REVIEW19.TXT: "=Firestorm Thunderhawk 2= Razor, 14 disks. A very good helicopter sim. I couldn't experience it to the fullest because it required installing it to/from a different drive it was unarj'ed so i ran main.exe, but it didn't seem to run the sound. It looks very good, there's not much to say about it however. Graphics look ok, but not exactly crystal svga." RATING: 65/100 ONLY ARCADE TEAM BRINGS YOU QUALITY PC GAMES ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄ ▄▄▄ ▄▄ █▓█▀ ▄▄▄▄▄▄ █▓█ ▄▄ ▄▄▄ ▄ ▄▄▄▄ ▄ ▄ ▄▄▄▄▄ █▓█ █▓█ ▄ ▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄█▓█ ▄▄▄▄▄ ▄ ▄▄▄▄█▓█ █▓█ █▓█ ▄▄▄▄█▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█▄▄▄ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ █▓█ ▄▄▄ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ █▒█ ▀▀▀▀███ ▀▀▀ █▒█fr▀▀▀▀███ ▀▀▀▀███ ▀▀▀▀███ ▀ ▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀ ▀ ▀ ▀▀▀ ▀ ▀ ▀▀▀ ·-·A·-·R·-·C·-·A·-·D·-·E·-· ============================================ ROOTS: THE NEXT GENERATION (c) Negrosoft ===[xX/03]======================[02/28/96]== Some fake shit packaged nicely with the "Tuesday" virus. RATING: F.U./100 EarthSiege 2 [1/15] Sierra -Napalm- /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Another game for Win95 <grumble>. Here's what the nfo had to say, NAPALM.NFO: "Release Notes: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do you ever wish you were 60 feet tall, had cannons for arms, guided missiles on your shoulders and could fly around and kick robot butt? Your wish has been granted: EarthSiege 2. You'll get more than 50 missions, true 3-D texture-mapped terrain and incredible new burn your eyebrows off pyrotechnics. The controls and cockpit interface are easy to use and infinitely customizable. And get a load of this: when you get tired of stomping Herc butt on the ground, our new flight sim feature called the Razor lets you rain death from above. Cool? Yeah, we thought so too. CD-Rip Info: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ All animations/speech files with the demos of other upcoming games from Sierra was removed!" RATING: WIN95/SUCKS/100 ╒══════════════════════════════════════════╕ │-FFC- -FFC-│ │ Manic Karts (c) Virgin │ │ │ ╘═══════════════════[ xx/56 * 14-Mar-96 ]══╛ Before you bother to unzip and unarj, make sure you have first gotten the correct disk #56 with arj 55 <the arj has an error so arj t karts.a55 first>. This game is very similar to a previous `kart' racing game we've seen before, I just can't place my finger on it though. It's got good flowing graphics, but they are still a little grainy. The music is pretty upbeat and the sfx are ok. You can race around a variety of tracks from New York streets to somewhere in fucking Italy or something. The only thing is, it's only racing. There is no shooting other guys or anything. The hard part of the game is making the turns quick enough, because they come up quick on you because you can easily pick up speed fast. The graphics don't exactly help you out in that area. The game will easily get dull, basically because it's like hard as hell to come in anything but dead last place. But if you got some d/l time and around 85 megs, check it out. RATING: 61/100 Ringworld II - Return to Ringworld % full CD % [xx / 64] -Here's the sequel to Ringworld, a nice colorful adventure game. This is the full cd, so you don't miss out on the intro, animations, speech, etc. It's a very good quality game, so if you got 285 megs free and are too cheap to shell out the money for it, and you're looking for an adventure game, this is the answer. It doesn't have anything noticeably different from other good adventure games, but like I said it's quality. It also took about half an hour to "un"RAR the entire thing. RATING: 59/100 /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Fantasy General (c) SSi [XX/26] Here's a long awaited release by stratego-manio's. I think it sucks and that it is one of the most boring pieces of shit, but rather than be biased against strategy games of this type, I'll just state fact. You're giving a playing field with octagonal `places'. They all contain certain kinds of areas. You move your varied types of characters and plot out moves to take in your turn to try and kill the other dudes. There's no close up fighting, just lame icon biting an icon and then statistics of the fight. Someone please write mail to me and tell me WHY you could like something like this, something that looks so dull and requires so much thinking, yuck. Anyway, this is supposed to have been a big release to war strategy likers and stuff so umm enjoy, if that's possible. RATING: 62/100 ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ █ Twisted Mini Golf for Win3.1/Win95 █ ██▀▒▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀░▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀██ █ ▄████▀██▓█ ▀█████ ████ ▀█████▀████▄ █ █ █████ █████ █░███ █████ █████ ░████ █ █ ████░ █████ █████ █████ █████▄████▀ █ █ ▀▀▀▀▀ █████ █████ █▒███ █████▓█████ █ █ ░▒▓██ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █ █ ▌WaR▐ █████▒█████ █████ █████ ██▒██ █ █ ▀█▓▒░ █████▄ ███▓▄█████▄ ████▒████▀ █ ██▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▓▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄██ █ .:[!] THE UNORiGiNAL BASTARDS [!]:. █ ▀▀[03/19/96]▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀[01/01]▀▀ A nice little mini golf game. The graphics are a bit grainy however. Theirs 6 courses to choose from, each with 9 different holes. It's got some moving stuff, and some weird obstacles here and there. Worth the small 500k if you are a little bored or something. Not like it's amazing or anything. RATING: 47/100 ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ █ Earthworm Jim 2 Demo * Dos & Win95 █ ██▀▒▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀░▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀██ █ ▄████▀██▓█ ▀█████ ████ ▀█████▀████▄ █ █ █████ █████ █░███ █████ █████ ░████ █ █ ████░ █████ █████ █████ █████▄████▀ █ █ ▀▀▀▀▀ █████ █████ █▒███ █████▓█████ █ █ ░▒▓██ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █ █ ▌WaR▐ █████▒█████ █████ █████ ██▒██ █ █ ▀█▓▒░ █████▄ ███▓▄█████▄ ████▒████▀ █ ██▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▓▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄██ █ .:[!] THE UNORiGiNAL BASTARDS [!]:. █ ▀▀[03/20/96]▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀[xx/02]▀▀ Excellent! The preview sequel to that great crazy Earth Worm Jim. This one let's you play one level and one bonus stage. Their is new gadgets, new humor, new everything! It's a definite must for all Earth Worm Jim fans who liked the first one. For those of you who don't know what it is, <yeah you, the one living in the closet> it's an excellent platform game, just get it, and now it's for dos too! RATING: 67/100 FIELDS OF BATTLE (c) BEVELSTONE PROD. [o4/o4] ________ _______ __ __ =\____ \=\_____ \/ \/ \================== /tZ \ \/ \_/ \ \ DOMINATORS / / \ \ \ 1996 =\_________/________/|\/|___/================ Another war game. Relies mostly on economic factors and shit. No sound or music or anything that might actually keep you awake while playing this game. RATING: 38/100 2 _____ __ ______ _____ __ _____ 2 y / \/ | |__| | / _ \y e / _ _ | _ |__| | | | \_ _/e a/ | | | || | \ / - \a r\__|_|__/\____/ |__|___|\___\_____/r s2years2years2years2years2years2years ------------------------------------- Living Pinball Full CD [xx/27] ------------------------------------- This is the full version of the previously released game. What does that mean?? It means d/l like an extra 25 disks for a 2 minute long intro <which actually was pretty good, but had absolutely nothing to do with the pinball game> and then still getting the same shitty boards for pinball. If you already have downloaded it, check out the intro <fuck the game> it's sorta worth looking at. Here's the quote from review16.txt, when EOD released it as 2 disks: "A very simple, small, and basic pinball game. It includes 3 tables, which each contain 2 bonus tables. Their is no music, and the sfx are below avg. It's not very good, and it looks extremely old. Not worth it even to have as a `just to have' game. RATING: 22/100" /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Iron Blood (c) MicroForum [X/3] A shitty platform game that was previuosly released about 9-12 months ago. This might be some `new version' but it still sucks. You choose from two robots to do your pathetic sword swiping and double jumping moves. It's not a pretty sight, the sfx are dull and repetitive and the music is pretty lame. Graphics certainly aren't your current 3D backgrounds and stuff. Don't bother. RATING: 28/100 Assault Rigs (c) SCE [xx/22] ___ ______ / /_______________________ /___ // / \___ \____ \______ \ \_/ _ \__ / _ __// _ __/ \/ / /\ / / / / / / \ / / \/ / / / / /__/ /____/_____//__/ /__/_____/ / \_/__/\____\\____\\_/__/\__\_____\/ \__\/ \__\/(-hoson-) The 17th disk with arj .017, has a bad crc, which you will come up as a "bad Huffman Code" if you use the Hybrid installer. RATING: NA/100 PGA EUROPEAN TOUR (c) EA SPORTS RIP [x/15] PGA EUROPEAN TOUR COURSE ADDON [x/8] PGA EUROPEAN PLAYER ADDONS [x/?] ___________________________ ____________ __/ / ____/___/ ____/\_ /_\_ \_ ____/ \ __/_ __/_ \ _ __/_ _/_/ _/ __/__/_ / \_ \_ \ \_ \_\_ \_ \ \_ \_ \_______/____/_____/____/____/__\___/_____/ This is the sequel to PGA golf. It's got crisp clear graphics and a nice layout. It's a pain to install all these seperate addons, but if your a golf enthusiast or an old fart bag who can't move his legs, you might have fun witht this one, but you'd probably need to buy it to enjoy it to the fullest anyway. It's golf, not much more to say, quality. RATING: 55/100 (Barron's Profiles of American Colleges) DiSK [1/1] /(_________________________________________)\ -\ ___________ / / / -/ / / / /______/\_ /_____/- /_______ /_________/_______/_________ /-dd- =======)/Couriers Of Pirated Sofware/(====== I know, I know, you're sitting there thinking "What the fuck this isn't a game, has the leet Ionizer gone crazy?" No, I downloaded this because as the nfo says, I thought it might help me out in real life. And it looks like it can do that. It's a helpful small utility for windows to help you prepare applications, give pointers, and automatically puts in addresses for shit. If you are a Junior or Senior in high school and haven't begun applying yet, GET THIS NOW, it will really help you out when it's time to start filling the shit out or requesting to fill it out. RATING: HELPFULL/100 WHEEL OF FORTUNE (c) SONY [xX/26] + ADDON [xX/12] _____________________________________________ \__¼ - ________¼ ./__¼ - ________¼ __/ \\__/ - \\ / \\__/ \__ | \\__ \\__ | \\__ /_____| ./_____________./___| ./ (=======|______/===================|______/=) R E L E A S E O N R A M P A G E GAMETEK brought you a lot of shitty versions, SONY brings you a killer version of the TV HIT! (=[03/17/96]================================) You know you've got an itsy bitsy problem when the diz says 26 disks, but the addon says the game was 27 disks. Well I didn't realize that it's actually 27 disks until 2 weeks later, and the chance of finding that last disk is almost impossible. The .mov's looked pretty cool though ;) RATING: NA/100 _____ /\._____ |\_. _ ____ /\___.__.___ \.__.\/ | _ \| | /.\\__ \/ _:__: | / | | \__. | : |/ | \| \ / | |\ / | : \ | | \ | _ \ \/ | |/ : \ |_____/ : :__|\__| |__/__||__|__/ |__RD +-------\___/------\___|--Presents--\__|---- Gear Heads : A Furious War of Wind-Up Toys Windows 3.1 ■ Windows 95 (c) Philips R/GA Interactive [03/03] +------------------------------------------- Dynamix's version, with the fix, did not seem to work. Gear Heads (c) Phillips [04/04] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ Thanks to Razor for this nicely working, and easily installed version. This is a very addictive and cute little game. You have two sides to a board and the object is to get 21 of your wind-up toys to the other side before the computer does. There is an assortment of toys that all have special things that they do to other toys. Depending on how long you let them wind up, all depends on how long they can last on the playing field. The graphics are excellent, and the sfx and music are pretty good. An excellent new witty idea makes this game something to check out. RATING: 71/100 /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Revolution X (c) Acclaim [05/05] A pretty good shoot-em-up starring Aerosmith, that really shitty band. My ears are just about ringing now from playing this game for about 30 minutes. It is addictive and you just want to keep going on, but it does get boring, and you start to wish you just had brought along a nuclear bomb to blow up everything. The graphics are a little shabby, and the sound effects could put you to sleep after a while <or make you deaf>. The only way to actually play and get somewhere would be using a mouse or joystick, and the mouse control isn't exactly great. The game gets really boring, but is worth the time if you like shoot em ups. BTW, did I mention Aerosmith sucks? RATING: 62/100 Challenge Pack II 1.01 ...................................:[XX/14]:. .._________________________________.......... ./\ ______ ________ _______ \......... .\P\ /\ __\ /\ \/\ _____\ \........ ..\T\ \/\ \_\\\/\__ _\/\ \______ \....... ...\S\ \/\ __\\/_/\ \_/\/\______ \ \...... ....\/\ \/\ \_/ \/\ \ \/ _____\ \ \..... .....\P\ \/\__\ \/\__\ /\_______\ \.... ......\T\ \/__/ \/__/ \/_______/ \... .......\S\________________________________\.. ........\/______Pirate This Software______/.. .:[XX/14]:................................... Listen, if I wanted this crap, I could just as easily go to the store and ask for it for free, because I'm sure they'd be dying to get rid of this old crap! It's a collection of pure old shit, like Life and Death, Robo3, Might and Magic 2. I mean come on you fucking losers, we don't need you dumbass's to bring back old warez for us. I don't even care if this was released as a package and IS new, don't release old games no matter how it's repackaged. RATING: 7/100 _____ /\._____ |\_. _ ____ /\___.__.___ \.__.\/ | _ \| | /.\\__ \/ _:__: | / | | \__. | : |/ | \| \ / | |\ / | : \ | | \ | _ \ \/ | |/ : \ |_____/ : :__|\__| |__/__||__|__/ |__RD +-------\___/------\___|-╗Presents½-\__|----+ Vikings (c) Random Games/GT Int. [XX/40] + Four disk Animation Addon +-------------------------------------------+ Dynamix nicely tries to avoid the 40 disk limit rule by sizing up the zips to a nice 1.77 meg. As if we wouldn't notice and make fun of them? Anyway, it is yet another war game out their. This one for win3.1/95 is similar to the more high quality ones. It is not too detailed in strategy, and a little mor graphicy then others. However, it's still not worth the size. As with most war games, the object is to plunder gold and kill the enemy, blah blah. Oh, it'll also take up a nice 185 megs once installed. RATING: 57/100 NEMESIS II : RETURN OF DRAGON FORCE WINDOWS/WIN 95 (C) KOMODO STUDIO [10/10] --▄▄▌---▄▄▄-.--▄▄-∙---▄▄▄·---▄▄·---▄·-▄▌-- --██∙---▀▄.▀·-▐█-▀-■-▐█-▀█--▐█-▌■-▐█■██▌-- --██■---▐▀▀■▄-▄█-▀█▄-▄█▀▀█--██-▄▄-▐█▌▐█■-- --▐█▌▐▌-▐█▄▄▌-▐█▄■▐█-▐█-■▐▌-▐███▌--▐█▀·.-- --∙▀▀▀---▀▀▀--·▀▀▀▀---▀--▀--·▀▀▀----▀-∙--- For 10 disks this thing sure lacks a lot, besides being new. I think this "asteroid" type game is just getting A LITTLE old, dont'cha think <of course you don't that's why your listening to what I say the games are like>. It's not worth 10 disks, maybe 1, but not 10. Prolly like 8 disks of that were devoted to the opening avi <which seemed to go on for eternity> and the crash avi. Don't bother. RATING: 41/100 UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE (c) PHILLIPS [x/18] ___________________________ ____________ __/ / ____/___/ ____/\_ /_\_ \_ ____/ \ __/_ __/_ \ _ __/_ _/_/ _/ __/__/_ / \_ \_ \ \_ \_\_ \_ \ \_ \_ \_______/____/_____/____/____/__\___/_____/ A very basic soccer game. It's not fifa, and it's not some stick figured characters. From the opening/intro I was kinda hoping for a little more, but it's just your basic plain soccer game. No extravagant things, just the basics of soccer. Regular vga gfx, and average sfx. RATING: 48/100 /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . Abuse (c) Electronic Arts [3/3] I believe I reviewed a demo/beta of this about 1 year ago! It's about time the morons finnaly finished the game. Well, the game is still as annoying as it was a year ago. This platform game is quite annoying and lame. You use the mouse to aim around you in 360 degrees while you use keyboard to move the character. It's like impossible to shoot the bad guys cuz they move so fast and the your weapons suck. The game is just lame and outdated. If you find yourself playing this longer than 10 minutes I know a good psychiatrist. RATING: 33/100 /(________________________)\ │ ____ \ │ │/ . │ ; \ . │-tx --/ │ \ ; │--- -/ │ │ \ └───-─┘-- .─-─-──┘─-──┴─-───\──-──/. ===!thE AGE Of CREAtiON!===== xx/06 (rally ally) 03/27/96 STOP THE INSANITY!! Stop fucking releasing this game, it sucked the first time, it sucked the second, it sucked the third and the fourth, and on the fifth time it STILL SUCKS. I've downloaded this game 5 fucking times, stop releasing it! Do you realize the precious time you've wasted of my computer's life? It could have been spending that time fucking some cd-rom chick, or connecting up with a modem, it's got better things to do then download the same thing 5 times, ok? Anyway, it's a lame racing game, that is practically impossible to control because the turns come up to quick and you can't turn to quick or you spin out. It basically sucks, some dumb fools might find it fun though, fun enough to release it again and again...and yet again...and.. RATING: 26/100 Heretic:Shadows of the Serpent Riders[10/10] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ This is exactly the same as the first one except for the added level(s)? The first stage is still the same as the old first level. I never really cared to get far in the first one, so I don't know how good or different the added levels are, but the it's still that ugly Heretic game. RATING: 46/100 RETURN OF MICROSOFT ARCADE ==================[XX/03]= RELEASED BY TDT 1996 Would it be too hard to mention in the diz or nfo that this is for win95? RATING: NA/100 VR SOCCER '96 DEMO ============================ Oh thank you, whoever decided to upload this demo when the full release was already out about 8 weeks ago. Anyway, go read back issues of TGR for info. RATING: 48/100 Rise and Fall of Ancient Empires [26/26] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ Disk 06 had a bad arj <not the actual zip>, so what am I supposed to do? RATING: NA/100 _____ /\._____ |\_. _ ____ /\___.__.___ \.__.\/ | _ \| | /.\\__ \/ _:__: | / | | \__. | : |/ | \| \ / | |\ / | : \ | | \ | _ \ \/ | |/ : \ |_____/ : :__|\__| |__/__||__|__/ |__RD +-------\___/------\___|-╗Presents½-\__|----+ Rise and Rule of Ancient Empires [22/22] (c) Impressions/Sierra 1996 +-------------------------------------------+ Well this one was fucked up too, at least the win 3.1 half of it was. The fools forgot to include a file wail16.dll that setup asks for <and yes, I have win32s and wing and all that crap already installed>. So since I could not manage to get either release working, included below is the box description. RATING: NA/100 "Seize power and glory as the leader of one of six ancient cultures, each with a unique legacy of cultural, scientific, and military achievement: Egypt, Greece, Mesopatamia-Persia, Northern Europe, China, or India. Explore your surroundings and expand your borders. Construct cities in the spectacularly rendered architectural style of each culture. Control your empire's military and domestic production, and conquer neighboring cities. Gain the ultimate authority of ruling a flour- ishing empire, then bend the rest the world to your will. Features: ■ Designed from the ground up with excellent multiplayer capability by network or modem. ■ Intuitive interface streamlines game play, keeps turns moving moving at an accelerated pace. ■ High quality digital sound. ■ Lush orchestral score composed exclusively for The Rise and Rule of Ancient Empires. ■ Rich diplomatic model. ■ On-line tutorial and "balloon" help make learning to play easy. ■ Game play depth and random world generator provide endless replay variations. ■ Complete a full game in one sitting. ■ Spectacular 256 SVGA graphics and animations." BIG RED RACING (c) DOMARK [2o/2o] ________ _______ __ __ =\____ \=\_____ \/ \/ \================== /tZ \ \/ \_/ \ \ DOMINATORS / / \ \ \ 1996 =\_________/________/|\/|___/================ Here's the final version of this one that had a demo out about 6 weeks ago. An excellent, upbeat, humorous, un-controlled racing car game. This one has tons of tracks (24 total, I think). It's got millions of wacky .wav comments during you're game, such as "Holy taco!" <mexico> and many other neat catch phrases dealing with the course <G>. The racing is not a sim, but more like a polyshaped virtua fighter type graphics. If you get bored with it, you can always discover new ways to fly your car off a ramp and make it do 7 flips and land on the top of your car to see how much damage you can cause. The car is pretty bouncy and it's sometimes fun to just screw around. RATING: 74/100 A.T.F. Advanced Tactical Fighters (c) Electronic Arts - [25/25] ___ ______ / /_______________________ /___ // / \___ \____ \______ \ \_/ _ \__ / _ __// _ __/ \/ / /\ / / / / / / \ / / \/ / / / / /__/ /____/_____//__/ /__/_____/ / \_/__/\____\\____\\_/__/\__\_____\/ -----\__\/-------------\__\/(-hoson-)----- GAMEINFO ...... FLIGHT SIMULATOR FOR DOS IN THIS VERSION CAMPAIGN-MODE WORKS 100% ------------------------------------------ Another in the line of flight sim games. This one is similar to most, with it's campaigns and specific missions. Graphics can be great, if you got the computer to handle it. Sound effects are ok and music is fine. I couldn't seem to get anywhere, I started up a single mission, and I'm just flying in the sky, and I go lower to the ground and then I've failed my mission :(. It looks pretty damn good though, just hope you can get into it, because it's not going to get into you. RATING: 64/100 Track Attack (c) MicroProse [22/22] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ Ok, this time it has nothing to do with me or my computer, so don't be all "his computer must suck". I ran the setup.exe like the .nfo says, setup my sound car, tested it, then it says to run ta.bat. Well if you run ta.bat, it runs a go.com, and go.com get's some syntax error "go". So I tried to run the go.exe, which loads up the intro, which played fine. The game then app- ears to start loading, but it then stops and the screen is blank. I even tried to edit the setup.cfg and change the cd letter, nothing. So there. RATING: NA/100 -------------------------------- TOTAL KNOCKOUT BOXING (C) 1995 Digital Lobster Company -------------------------------- A demo version of this female boxing game. The actual fighting part of it is somewhat similar to Mike Tyson's Punchout in the arcade, but the graphics are of course much better. It looks pretty cool, but it's only a demo, and you can only bash the tits of one bitch <and some meat>. I'd like to see a full registered version of this hopefully sometime soon. RATING: 68/100 Worms Reinforcements aka Worms Plus (c) Team 17/Ocean Software - [10/10] ___ ______ / /_______________________ /___ // / \___ \____ \______ \ \_/ _ \__ / _ __// _ __/ \/ / /\ / / / / / / \ / / \/ / / / / /__/ /____/_____//__/ /__/_____/ / \_/__/\____\\____\\_/__/\__\_____\/ -----\__\/-------------\__\/(-hoson-)----- There Baaaaaack! Those cute, cuddly, pms'ish, little worms are back. This time they brought along some cooler scenery, a shitload of sound effects, and missions, rather than just pointless playing. They made sure not to miss out on any options this time. Customize worms to fit your needs. They have a Beavis and Butthead sound effects, Simpsons, Tiny Toons, and so many other premade ones. You can make your own scenes, sound effects, and make it the way you want it. You can play it over a network, and over modem <at least it says you can, I'm still trying to figure out how>. Oh, you're probably like "that's fucking great, but WTF IS WORMS?!" Welp, if you missed it the first time around, with what now would look like a dull version, worms is very sim- ilar to that basic tank game. The one where they sat on a hill and you shot at each other. No no, it's not boring like that, this game has attitude! In your first mission you try to kill James Brown as he shouts some of his more famous lines. I'm told Elvis is somewhere in their too. You can have fun launching kung fu kicks on Bruce Lee, or sending homing missles at The Beatles. Make up your own team and sound effects. This is a must download for anyone who loves a little humor or just feels like blowing the shit out of someone or torturing them. Simple, fun, and customizable. RATING: 83/100 *EXTRA! Worms+ Passwords* Level Password 2 OHSOEASY 3 UNCHAINS 4 BJORNPOP 5 DODGEMAX 6 STARTURN 7 HEYGEOFF 8 REZDOGGY 9 HIGHKICK 10 LONG AGO 11 HEY JOHN 12 SATANICS 13 NEARDEAD 14 SCUMBAGZ 15 GOOD BYE 16 TRUTHOUT 17 17THKIND 18 GOGOGOGO 19 PIGSPACE 20 TRUMPTON 21 PARANOID 22 GOPLAYYOURSELFMAN! <email me if you have pw for levels past these> . . . . ____:- - -O- -T- -F- -W- - -:____ : \ /|_ ____ ____ _ |\ / . .:. \/ `\/' `\/' `\_/' |_| \/ .:. -|- / | \_ | \_ |____/ | | \ -|- .:|:| | /__| / __| \ | |:|:. =[X]=\______/=|_____/____|===\___|___/=[X] .:|:. -proudly presents:- .:|:. -|- -|- :|: Wooden Ships & Iron Men :|: -|- Beta [8/8] -|- .:|:. .-. . . . .-. .:|:. =[X]==/===\==|==[epidemic!]==|==/===\==[X]= |`-' `-:- - -|- - -:-' `-'| : : Pff, our favorite demo releasing group released this stupid crap that has 3 .exe's all of which do nothing and that's all there is to run. RATING: NA/100 S.T.O.R.M (c) ELECTRONIC ARTS [xx/28] _____________________________________________ \__¼ - ________¼ ./__¼ - ________¼ __/ \\__/ - \\ / \\__/ \__ | \\__ \\__ | \\__ /_____| ./_____________./___| ./ (=======|______/===================|______/=) R E L E A S E O N R A M P A G E (=[04/01/96]================================) I followed the nfo WORD for WORD, even used the same examples it says. Yes, it did work, it got the game to run, but as soon as I was killed/crashed/ whatever you want to call it, the game would black out and then throw me back into dos with some crap telling me I didn't use the right CD. Anyway, from what I could tell, you control a ship underwater and your giving missions to do shit. It's sorta platformish, and you shoot the stupid sharks that get in your way and avoid shit that fires at you. Couldn't discover much else. RATING: 47/100 Kingdom The Far Reaches (c) Interplay [ xX/7] _____________________________________________ \__¼ - ________¼ ./__¼ - ________¼ __/ \\__/ - \\ / \\__/ \__ | \\__ \\__ | \\__ /_____| ./_____________./___| ./ (=======|______/===================|______/=) R E L E A S E O N R A M P A G E (=[04/02/96]================================) Uhhh, what the hell is this crap? I couldn't even figure out what or how to play. I click on the only thing that did something, it brings up a map, and then you click on the map, and it just goes back to what you started with. Looks shitty anyway, so who cares. RATING: 29/100 Rebel Runner (c) Microforum [o8/o8] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ The graphics in the setup were like fucked up, but I managed to set it up still. However when I tried to run dc.exe it gave me that half page dos4gw error shit with the numbers and crap. Oh well, I'm off to Cancun and Mexico City (that has absolutely nothing to do with this game). RATING: NA/100 /\_ _:___/\_/\___ /|_ _:_ /\___ ::/ _ \/ | ____ \ \/ __)/ | \/ __/: :/ |__\_| \ _ \ | \ | \ | \___ \: :\____ /___/_| /_| /__ /__ /_ /: ::::::\/::::::l_/::l_/:::\/:::\/::\_/:: +---------[PROUDLY PRESENTS]----------> Island Peril (c) Symantec +-------------------------[02 OF 02]--> A kickass doom like game. This small 2 disker rules! Umm, just kidding and stuff (hey I missed April Fools Day so I'm making up for it). Another wanna be doom game that simply sucks. The aiming in the game is terrible, the gfx are blurry and ugly. The sound blows and there is no music. It just sucks. RATING: 21/100 Humans 3: Evolution - Lost in Time (c) GameTek - [1/3] ___ ______ / /_______________________ /___ // / \___ \____ \______ \ \_/ _ \__ / _ __// _ __/ \/ / /\ / / / / / / \ / / \/ / / / / /__/ /____/_____//__/ /__/_____/ / \_/__/\____\\____\\_/__/\__\_____\/ -----\__\/-------------\__\/(-hoson-)----- Similar to lemmings but with people like magicians, barbarians, and knightish people. You try to manipulate the people on the board, using their limited array of abilities to do things. Your object is to get them all to go near the exit, or maybe it's just to get one their. I don't know which, cuz it's kinda hard. Lots of obstacles get in your way, requires major thinking (in other words recommended for ages 10 and under). RATING: 47/100 Cylindrix (c) Goldtree Enterprises [o5/o5] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===∙1911∙CD∙DIVISION∙======\___/ A lame cylinder shaped game board. You move your ship around it and try to blow up the enemy. Graphics are ugly, and sound effects bring back those Atari memories. Nothing to bother with. RATING: 34/100 [The Duracell "Run the Bunny Pc GaME" ] $$$$$_.,s .$$▓^▓$ $$$$. $ $$$ $ $$$$$$$$'.$$$' `$`$$$$. $' $$$ $ $$$$$▓' $$$$▓▓▓▓▓' `$$$$. $' $$$ $$$$$ `$$$$, `$$$$$' $ $$$ $$$$$[Jag] $$$$Ss. `$$$ $ $$$ REVOLUTiON X presents -04.18.96- It's hard nowadays to find such quality CRAP like this. Actually it's really easy, just download the "latest ware" from some group you never heard of. This is a pathetic doom-like <if you can even call it that> shitty ega look'n graphics with lamer than lame sounds. You can't shoot, you just have to walk through the doom like atmoshphere and collect shit and reach the end. It's some kind of stupid promotion or something for duracell, and the energizer bunny. The bunny doesn't look like the one on tv, but then again it's hard to recreate an image using almost block like graphics. Dont even bother even if you do it just cause your curious. RATING: 8/100 TWINBLOK (C) WEBFOOT TECHNOLOGIES ___|\___ _/\____/\___/\____/\_______ _/\ \__ \ | \___ )\___\ \ \ | / / |\__ \ : \/ (: | : \ : \ _ \ \__|_____/\_|__\__|_|__|__/__|__/____/ ==============================[01/01]=== A nice small little arkanoid game. Nothing you're going to go flip over, but it's pretty good for it's size. Nice music and sfx. You play sideways rather than the traditional top to bottom scenario. You can also play two player team up. Theres special goodies in the blocks and 50 levels to play. RATING: 51/100 MAJESTIC: ALIEN ENCOUNTER CD (c) PIRAHNA ___|\___ _/\____/\___/\____/\_______ _/\ \__ \ | \___ )\___\ \ \ | / / |\__ \ : \/ (: | : \ : \ _ \ \__|_____/\_|__\__|_|__|__/__|__/____/ ==============================[10/10]=== A game similar to MYST. Its simple, not too many options or looking and then examining. Simple click shit and it does everything. The game lacks intens- ity however and just isn't too interesting, but if you liked MYST you might like this. It's not on the same level, but it's like a smaller scaled down version. RATING: 54/100 /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . WITCH HAVEN II (c) CAPSTONE [XX/13] First I'd like to congratulate Napalm for not fucking it up. Secondly, I'd advise you not to download it unless you have at least a pentium/100, b/c this shit requires a lot of power. Anything below that will most likely result in severe choppiness and makes the game hard to play. Theres not much difference <game wise> then from the first one. It's got a few added things here and there, but don't look for a complete overhaul or anything. Only for true diehard fans of the first one. RATING: 60/100 International Tennis Open 1996 *CD* [XX/23] + Sound/Speech Addon [30/30] (c) Philips _____________________________________________ \__¼ - ________¼ ./__¼ - ________¼ __/ \\__/ - \\ / \\__/ \__ | \\__ \\__ | \\__ /_____| ./_____________./___| ./ (=======|______/===================|______/=) R E L E A S E O N R A M P A G E (=[04/14/96]================================) Please note, the fakecd.exe included in this has the taipan.438 virus in it, but you can simply use your own fakecd.exe, just delete the one in this. This is a typical tennis game. The gameplay is pretty plain, just blurry characters walking around on the court smacking a ball back and forth. You don't control the swing, you just have to move to the ball. It get's really boring and repetitive. BTW: Use the "1" key to serve. The sound/speech addon adds a little more to the game, but not too much, it reads off the players info, and says a few things more here and there. This one is a little disappointing for it's size. RATING: 45/100 _______________ ___________ ____ _______ =\__________ \_______ \___ | _____/== ;::/ ___/ / /_____/ | \:::; ;:// /_ __/ ||/ _ \\::; ;/______| \_________|_____| \\ak ========|_______\==[04/21/96]==|_________\= Caveman Volleyball (c) Panda 96 [xX/o2] =========================================== Yeah. yeah, it may be chink shit, but you can still run it. Just get past the setup of your soundcard, and the game menu is in english. Too bad once you're in the game you can't play. None of the keys do anything, and it's impossible to serve. So hope you have a joystick <if that even works>. The game is pretty gay looking though. It's just a platform volleyball game. You can't move up or down, just left and right. RATING: 34/100 Board Games for 2 5/5 ────── ──── ────── │ │ │ │ │ ──── │ │ │ │ │ │ ──── │ Come on people, when the game is strictly for win95 only, write it in the diz or nfo file damnit. RATING: NA/100 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>THE GAME OF THE WEEK<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Because of the enormous lapse of time since the last game review, there are going to be several games that win TGOTWeeks ;). So this time I'm just going to name off the games that were the best out there: DESCENT 2, WITCH HAVEN 2, WORMS REINFORCEMENTS, BIG RED RACING and GEAR HEADS. Also you might want to take a look at EARTH WORM JIM 2 DEMO. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -All projected dates are as of APRIL 17TH 1996 and based on store release dates. This section is updated when available and I can only update it when the information is available, so don't tell me about it having old dates. Key to system types: DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD Date | Name of Game | OS | Company ----------------------------------------------------------- 95/04/18 WARCFT2 EXPAND DCD DAVIDSON 95/04/24 CYBER JUDAS IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE 96/04/11 BRIDGE DLX II DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/04/17 ALCHEMY/DDOM DCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/04/18 WARHAWK DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/04/18 TWISTD METAL DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/04/20 CONQST/NWWRL DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/04/20 CAS CHMP2PKR DCD INTRACORP,INC. 96/04/25 AFTER LIFE DCD LUCAS ARTS 96/04/25 MECH 2 NET DCD ACTIVISION 96/04/27 LARUSSA 3/96 DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/04/29 PRO PINBL:WEB DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/04/29 VR SOCCER DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/04/29 STRIFE DCD VELOCITY 96/04/30 MORTIMER DCD LUCAS ARTS 96/05/01 RENEGD:JACOB DCD MINDSCAPE 96/05/01 SIMN SORCER2 DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/05/01 DEADLY SKIES DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA 96/05/01 VR BASEBALL DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/05/01 DUKE3D FULL DCD FORMGEN 96/05/01 HIST WORLD DCD AVALON HILL 96/05/01 OVER REICH DCD AVALON HILL 96/05/01 POWERSLAVE DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT 96/05/01 EARTHJIM 1&2 DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT 96/05/01 B A TOSHINDN DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT 96/05/02 GRAND PRIX 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/05/03 SMRT GAME #1 WCD RANDOMSOFT 96/05/10 SETTLERS 2 DCD FORMGEN 96/05/15 RAW PURSUIT DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA 96/05/15 MAST/ORION 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/05/25 AH-64D LNGBW DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/05/25 SPACEHULK 2 DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/01 HARVESTER IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE 96/06/01 PELICAN HILL DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/06/01 DIABLO DCD DAVIDSON 96/06/01 BIOFORGE + W5C ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/01 DUNGON KEEPR DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/03 FINAL DOOM DCD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/15 HIND DCD INTERACTIVE MAGIC 96/06/15 GOLF NICK P DCD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/15 BTLCRSR 3000 DCD TAKE 2 INTERACTIVE 96/06/15 MAGIC GATHER DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/07/01 PINEHURST DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/07/20 AD&DCORERULESDCD TSR 96/08/01 JETFIGHTR III IBCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/08/01 METAL LORDS DCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/03/11 HOYLES CLASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/04/11 CASTLE SEIGE MCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/04/15 KNGDOM RCHES MDC INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/04/21 GAB KNIGHT 2 MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/04/23 CATZ MCD VIRGIN GAMES 96/04/25 SHIVERS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/04/25 MUPPETS TRSR MCD ACTIVISION 96/04/30 BAD MOJO MCD ACCLAIM 96/04/30 MORTIMER MCD LUCAS ARTS 96/05/01 CHAOS OVRLRD MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/05/06 EMPIRE II MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/05/13 HEXEN MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/05/14 HERO MHT MGC MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/05/17 MORT KMBT 3 MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/05/25 AFTER LIFE MCD LUCAS ARTS 96/06/01 ELK MOON MCD ACTIVISION 96/06/01 TORIN'S PASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/01 PELICAN HILL MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/06/14 9 MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/07/01 PINEHURST MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/03/05 DRUMBEAT M3 DEADLY GAMES 96/06/21 NETSCAPE NAV MAC VENTANA PRESS 96/04/12 TRUCKOLOGY WCD MAXIS 96/04/12 WITCHAVEN II WCD INTRACORP,INC. 96/04/18 INDYDSKTPADV WCD LUCAS ARTS 96/04/23 WIZARDRY GLD WCD SIR TECH 96/04/23 CATZ WCD VIRGIN GAMES 96/04/25 MUPPETS TRSR WCD ACTIVISION 96/04/29 WARHAMMR 40K MINDSCAPE 96/05/01 TOTAL MAYHEM WCD FORMGEN 96/05/03 VOYEUR II WCD PHILIPS INTERACTIVE MEDIA 96/05/07 BTLGRD3 WTRLO WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/05/08 WOOD SHIP MEN WCD AVALON HILL 96/05/15 MARLOW WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/05/22 BRAINSTORM WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/05/29 SCIFI TRIVIA WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/06/01 ELK MOON #1 WCD ACTIVISION 96/06/01 QCK FN PLN2.0 WCD INTUIT 96/06/01 URBAN RUNNER WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/14 9 WCD GT SOFTWARE 96/08/15 DAGGERFALL DCD BETHESDA 96/04/11 MS INTRNT STR 2.0 W3 MICROSOFT 96/06/01 EXPENSABLE2.0 W3 INTUIT 96/06/01 QCK FN PLN2.0 W3 INTUIT 96/06/01 QCKFNSUITE1.5W3 INTUIT 96/04/23 SIMISLE W5C MAXIS 96/04/25 MORT KOMBT 3 W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/04/29 ULT DOOM W95CD GT SOFTWARE 96/05/01 CHAOS OVRLRD W5C NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/05/01 JAVA PWR PK W5C SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/05/03 MINDWARP W5C MAXIS 96/05/18 AMER CIVLWAR W5C INTERACTIVE MAGIC 96/06/01 MISSION FORC W5C SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/10 DOOM II W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/06/21 HEXEN W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/08/01 STAR CONTR 3 W5C WEA VIDEO 96/09/01 MORTIFICATOR W5C PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CORRECTIONS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -I'm a leet perfectionist. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY. ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, AND YOU HAVE OBTAINED MY WRITTEN EMAIL PERMISSION. IF YOU WISH TO USE THIS ON YOUR WEB SITE, PLEASE CONTACT ME FIRST. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CLOSINGS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -WANTED: A LEGIBLE 2 line ASCII saying "The Game <next line> Review" -Thanks for being patient, sorry about the delay, but despite popular belief I do NOT sit in a chair 24/7 downloading and reviewing. -That's it for this week, hope it was of help. -Ionizer (Game Reviewer /\ Malice/Razor/RoR/PNC/HST Courier) Comments/Complaints send to [email protected] (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS) .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ o $$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$ $$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$ $$' o '$$$ $ $$' s `$$ `$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ $o $$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ ~' o$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ sssss$$ %. ^$$$$$ $$ $ $$$s s$$ $ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$. $ ,$$$$@. .@$$$. $ ,$$ $$ $$$$$ `$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd' Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939
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